Coming to terms with size acceptance

I've learned a few things over the past couple of weeks through self reflection and making sad faces at myself in the mirror.

1. Yes, I have let myself go. But not to the point of no return.
2. I don't like what I see in the mirror. I know the tools to rectify that.
3. I have a bad body image right now, but need to learn not to beat myself up over it.
4. I have to learn to adapt and just not give up.
5. Operation Need To Lose 20 Pounds may take a bit of time.

The reality: majority of the items in my closet either don't fit right or just plain don't or look bad. Trying to get into these clothes has made me have feelings of Nos. 1-3. I am accepting I am  not a 6/8 and my existence right now is 12.

I am not liking that I have to buy larger-sized clothes, but by golly I am having fun doing it. And they are cute and stylish and look good on me. I don't look like a whale in them. Trying to wear the too-small clothes would make me feel that way. And I am tired of looking at the things that make my upper arm look like a sausage and bottoms I can no longer get past my hips.

So this weekend I am taking this week's Weight Watchers lesson to heart and making my bedroom a healthier area. I have gone through shoes that are worn out and just don't fit any more and thrown them out. This weekend I am getting another bin and putting in them all the clothes that currently don't fit, and getting rid of the ones I know I will never wear again. Getting all the things that make me feel bad about my current size are going to go away. Also there will not be things in the house that are bigger sizes than I currently wear, because I don't want the temptation to let myself go even farther. I have spent  more money than I would like on new things, but if that is what it takes to feel good about myself in my current size and to wear properly-fitting things, then so be it.

Goodwill is going to like me next week.

See you in a while, Points Plus ... Flex is coming to visit

I will honestly have to say that right now Points Plus just doesn't seem to be working. Or to better put it, I'm not working IT very well. Last year when it was first introduced, I love that I could eat lots of fruit for zero points. Then I just started using it as an excuse to gorge myself on the stuff during the day and at night. Lastly, that developed into just gorging on anything at night.

Boredom? Stress? Anxiety? Could be one, both, or all three. The lack of structure, combined with several vacations away from home different than my normal routine, equals 30 pounds.

Yes, folks, 30 pounds of weight gain. And 18 over the 2 pound goal range allowed by Weight Watchers (and one of my employers). So you can imagine how shameful I feel gaining weight over the past year, not losing anything and not being a good example at all for my meeting members. This has also caused me stress ... a bad overall attitude toward myself, feeling a bit depressed about it, rinse, repeat, insert downward spiral.

So until the end of October (when I weigh myself next) I am going back onto the Flex program that had me lost my initial 100 pounds in the first place. The structure helped a bit for me there. I had to weigh and measure EVERYTHING. Now I need to go back to that, and to lose these fracking 20 pounds so my BMI is in a normal range again. I had to get a couple of size 12s last week (my 10s are tight) and I really wasn't happy about that, let me tell you.

So I am taking out my old calculator and DO and Food Companion books and am going to use those.

And don't worry, I am not against Points Plus at all. Far from it. The program has totally helped thousands of people lose weight across the country. I'm just a pig and need more structure. So I have to reign it in and try to control myself, or I'll get back right where I started again.

It may take me six months to lose 20 pounds (it initially only took me 19 weeks to lose 25, but I'm five years older now, so I got to cut myself some slack.) I also need to be more motivated to exercise. This past week was REALLY bad for me. I don't want to go into it, but it was ugly and I don't want to repeat it. Ever.

Yay, a trend! Another 100 days ... Fail! Some new goals, too.

Well what did I fail on this time? Losing weight. (Gained again.) And eating too much at night. And using all of my extra points. All. The. Time.

I was good on doing the exercise, however.

So for the next 100 days I have some new goals and trying again with some of the old ones.

• Sticking to my daily points
• Trying not to go over extra points
• Exercising an hour a day, at least five days a week, incorporating both sculpting and cardio
• New: Walking at work whenever I can during the week
• New: Learn conversational Korean in the car, finishing 8 lessons of the Pilseur method.

So about the new goals.
Now that it is cooler, I have been fond of taking strolls downtown during my "lunch" period to get out of the office and move a bit. Since the summer has been so damned hot, I don't like going out when it is more than 80 degrees outside. Last week I started going out Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I want to keep doing this until about late November when the temperatures get below 50 degrees. I also want to incorporate more workouts in the morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If I do that at least twice a week I think I will be able to get to work more on time.

On the conversational Korean, well I want to be able to hold a simple conversation with a native speaker at some point. Self study can be the real pits, so right now I want to be able to order things in a restaurant and get around a town. Early next year I will tackle the written language. My goal is to be able to get around a city without much assistance. Next year I REALLY want to go to Seoul before I turn 40.

Not the best week ..

Sort of like rinse, lather, repeat.
Rinse, lather, repeat.

I have decided not to buy myself cereal any more. I snacked on it too damned much this week. That and the popcorn. (Bought one box of 94% fat free ... 7 points a bag.) I am eating too many carbs at night. Just stuffing my craw for no apparent reason while watching television.

I have also only worked out four days this week, instead of the original six I should be doing. And shorter than I would have liked. So I need to work on that. My 100 days ends after Labor Day. I really need to start showing more improvement and getting off of this darned late-night binge fest.

To resolve this, hopefully:

• Don't eat past 8 p.m. (Except on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I have WW meetings.)
• Only eat food at the table in the kitchen, put away the tray table in the living room.
• If I have to consume anything while watching television, it can only be a drink.
• If I want anything to eat after 8 p.m., it can only be a drink.

Hopefully working on these behaviors will help a bit.

The Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Today was the fearful monthly weigh-in and measure day.

Cough.

When these days approach I have bad dreams, and sometimes have "questionable behavior." That is, my eating behaviors. So let's start backwards.

THE UGLY

It started Friday. I was invited to a friend's military retirement party. The food buffet had the typical stuff, also some fruit and cheeses and some salad and light sandwiches. 

But the potatoes, oh, those potatoes.

Small new potatoes they were, cooked to a perfection with lovely seasoning. I couldn't get enough of them. I had three helpings. They were so good. I wasn't done in by any sort of dessert! (Surprise, surprise.)

Saturday I was doing pretty well, until about dinnertime. I had exercised my butt off for an hour, ate some kimbap for lunch, was being pretty healthy all day. Then Ken started sending me subliminal messages from his sleep (I really read his mind, I did) ... he was dreaming about eating pizza ... so I ordered some. Domino's was having this deal ... and I couldn't help myself. I had ordered three small pizzas one with regular crust with extra cheese and pepperoni for Ken. He also got an order of chicken wings. Two other one-topping pizzas were thin crust. They had light cheese and light sauce. One was extra mushroom and the other was barbecue chicken. I had also ordered a vegetable sandwich with basically no cheese. So I sat there and ate my sandwich ... and my little 10 inch mushroom pizza. Ken and I then split the barbecue pizza. Yeah ... not my finest moment. Pizza is one of my favorite food groups, you know.

Sunday I was a good girl and stayed within my points. And rode my bike.

Monday I drove to East End (30 minute drive there, one way) to sub a Weight Watchers meeting there. I had only exercised 30 minutes that day and by the time I was done with the meeting (it was 7 by this time) I was exhausted and didn't feel like cooking. We had nothing in the house, anyway. So I went to Sonic on the way home. Got two of those new hot dogs (Chicago and Baha-style). Hey, they had veggies on it! And I ate a large sweet potato tots. My dinner was 30 points. Thirty. Points.

Tuesday I was determined to work out my ass off. I reduced my point intake by 10 (to eat 20 over the day) and then I exercised another 10 points worth off. (One hour of strength and a 45 minute bike ride.) I woke up at 5 in the morning to try to accomplish this. And then I also had my full work day and did a WW meeting. Sigh.

Yesterday I tried to reduce my caloric intake again by 10 points, but that didn't work. I stayed within my 30 points. I did a sculp/cardio workout with Jillian in the morning for 30 minutes.

THE BAD

So this morning I got on the scale with a little trepidation, but I didn't think it would be all that awful. I had been exercising like I was supposed to for several weeks. I figured I would feel confident when I weighed myself. 

Not so much.

Last month, remember I had lost 2.6 pounds. This month, I gained that back plus an extra pound. When I whined at Ken, he commented that we DID eat fast food this week, more than normal. So I should attribute it to that, too.

THE GOOD

So I also measured myself. I lost a total of two inches this month. One inch of my waist and a half-inch off of each upper thigh. The rest stayed the same.

The real positive to look at is losing that inch around the waist. Sure, it probably could have been more if I was more diligent in good eating habits. I've been focusing more on making sure I get that hour for five to six days a week. 

Many of you may or may not know that losing inches around the waist is one of the hardest things to do. And I have said before I want to try to focus on losing inches than losing pounds. However the number you see at the scales is still a big motivator and hindrance. I am 16 pounds over goal weight. I need to get that off. 

I remember my first go round on this losing the weight thing five years ago. It came off fast since I was such a food nazi. I don't want to be that strict, but need to make more behavior changes. I loved being 17 pounds under the highest weight for my size. There is a 33 pound difference between when I was that weight and now. I'd like to get down to the middle of that. Just so I can fit into all those pants and dresses I have sitting in my closet!!!

So you guys know my goals! Lost that 16 pounds. And ultimately, lose another 9 inches of fat around my bust, waist and hips. My measurements right now are 39 (mid bust), 35 (natural waist), 41 (widest part of hips.) It would be nice to get each of those down by three. I think I can do it. Maybe. I did have a 27 inch waist when I was 14. (I was also 5-foot-6 at the time.) I don't plan on ever being that small ... ever. ;)

Here, piggy piggy piggy ...

Good grief. I am having a problem this week.

The food part of the Two Week Total Turnaround I have devised just is not working for me. It is the "fats" part that have done me in.

In good ole Weight Watchers tradition, we are supposed to have a couple of teaspoons of a fatty oil a day. So roughly 2 (Points Plus) points. I have been using 8-10 points a day on the "fats," and that has been a real problem for me, especially at the end of the day.

While eating the recommended ways of eating on the Two Week Turnaround, I have eaten peanut butter, avocados and almonds mostly for my "fats" and cooked occasionally with some olive oil interspersed. On average my peanut butter (I get individual packets I bring to work) are 5 points each. A couple I have tried have been 6, depending on the flavor. My 100-calorie chocolate-dusted almonds are 3 points. This actually isn't bad, because there are quite a few almonds in the little packet.

So what happens at the end of the day? Well, pretty much this: I have eaten all my points and for some reason do not feel satisfied. Then I wander into the kitchen and grab something to snack on. And before I know it I have eaten too much. In front of the television. Again. And again. ... Yet again.

Want to know how bad, world? Well, let  me just tell you. (Point of reference: I eat 30 points a day, have 49 extra points a week on program, and when I exercise I earn roughly 30 points of this a week as well.)

• Starting from last Thursday: went into 8 of my extra points, consuming more than a cup of Honey Nut Cheerios, low-fat string cheese and a WW ice cream bar.
• Friday: Didn't write down exactly what I consumed, but ate an extra 17 points.
• Saturday: Same as the day before, but from my tally I ate an extra 9 points.
• Sunday: Getting worse. Didn't write it down again, but consumed the rest of my 49 extra points. By this time I had only earned 17 points in activity, and I was about to hit this if not careful.
• Monday: This is bad, bad, BAD. Brace yourself. On top of my daily points I ate Wheat Thins crispy chips, 2 cups Honey Nut Cheerios, the rest of the Rice Crispy treats in the house (3, 2x3 inches), a grilled chicken salad from Subway, Baked Chips ... AND chicken egg rolls. (Now I had no points left at dinner because I had previously consumed a hamburger that was 11 points for lunch on top of my peanut butter and almonds that I ate during breakfast and lunch.) Total points extra I consumed Monday: 31. A WHOLE EXTRA DAY'S WORTH OF POINTS.
• Tuesday: On a roll, I just had something in my brain blow up yesterday. I had gone out to eat for grilled chicken fajitas. But an hour after I got home, I got bored and then just vacuumed up 2 slices of light bread, 2 Hebrew National 97% FF dogs, 2 cups Honey Nut Cheerios, FF cheese on my hot dogs and a random frozen burrito that was gross but I ate in anyway. An extra 17 points  here.
• Wednesday: well this day has just started and I haven't done much dent but I never have a problem on Wednesdays going into extras since I am away from the house.

Total extra points consumed: 97. Minus 49 allowed for program: 48. Minus 25 activity points earned this week so far: 23. I am going to do an hour workout when I get home tonight. Depending on how intense it is, I might be able to scrape off another 6-13 points off that pointage sitting over my head.

When you look at the allowances and exercise, you might think, "well, Tena, that's not so bad." Really, it is. I have made no gains to getting slimmer this week. In fact, I probably have canceled out that 2.6-pound loss that I had last week.

So, World, time to make some more changes. No more "fats" like Chris Freytag suggests. My brain can't handle it. Starting next week, I am reducing my daily points I consume down to 25 points. That way, in case I "go over," I have a five-point buffer. This should help. I am going to do this until my next weigh-in, which is on July 25. I will take my measurements that day as well.

Exercising at least an hour a day 5 days a week has not been a problem at all for me lately. Doing something in the morning, and then doing something when I get home in the evening seems to help a lot. And I really, really need this activity so I don't become a lard-ass again. I just want to lose 15 pounds to get a little below the weight allowance for my height. That's all I really want to do.

Had a trial run, real marathon starts tomorrow.

Ok, last post I talked about the Two Week Total Turnaround.

I am going to actually START this program tomorrow. In full force. The last couple of weeks has been what I call "practice."

Why? Holiday aside, the mail is friggin' slow. I didn't get all my components for my exercise program until yesterday. And no, I wasn't using it as an excuse to not exercise.

I would ride my bike for cardio, and also do Jillian's 30 Day Shred DVD, and I did the Cardio portion of The Total Turnaround a couple of times before getting all my ducks in a row.

I have also been practicing eating the way trainer Chris F. suggests in the book, and it is a little more difficult than I thought.

The reason ... processed food. I have to get rid of it. ALL of  it out of my house. I can't afford to have it in there. This includes healthy stuff ... like granola bars, those Weight Watchers snacks they say you can not live without ... even frozen treats.

All gotta go. So what did I do with them?

Ate em.

I still have a problem with snacking at night. Or when I get tired/stressed in the evenings I didn't exercise I eat in front of the television. And then get up and get "another" snack. Oh, wait, and another. Gotta get rid of all this processed food, you know.

So what's this girl gonna do now? Going to the farmer's co-op and getting some veggies today after work. Then go home and do my sculpt routine (I did a 30-minute cardio this morning) and make sure my house is supplied tonight with string cheese, veggies, light bread, peanut butter and some mixed nut packets. (Need some for the "fat" content the book describes, that I talked about last time.) I also need tuna packets, oranges and apples, as well as bananas.

The only frozen treat I will buy over the next couple of weeks are sugar-free popsicles. Those helped me the past couple of weeks ... until I ran out, that is.

That's my biggest problem. Letting the food run out and not restocking and letting my bad habits come back. Hubby is going out of town next week. That should be helpful. One  less distraction at home always is.

Not really a quitter, Insanity. Just frustrated with you.

So here's the thing. I never did finish Insanity. I got through the first five weeks just great. It was when that "kick up a notch" for the second segment really kicked my ass ... and then I got sick. (I've talked about this before.)

So three months after starting Insanity, I have decided to put it on the backburner. I got to the end of week eight.

The bad thing? The second month really wasn't meshing well with my exercise schedule. I cannot do an hour-long workout all at once during my workweek. I tried it for a while, and then I started dreading getting up in the morning and attempting to do any exercise at all.

When I came up with my new plan a couple of weeks ago, I figured I would be able to finish Insanity in a couple of weeks and be happy. Not really so. I got in a couple of workouts on the schedule (which were 40-45 minutes apiece) and would use other workout DVDs I liked on other days. On some days I was "lazy" I brought out the bike and ride around my neighborhood twice ... which is 12 miles. Three times this week while watching television I would sit on a stool and pump some iron while getting my dose of "The Voice" and all the fun teen soapy stuff on ABC Family.

A couple of weeks ago I discussed my new goals. I am happy to say that I have met them the past couple of weeks! (The goal I set was to work out an hour a day for at least 5 days.) Some days I did work out for more than an hour, others a little less. It all evened out in the end, I think.

The last time I weighed myself was a month ago. That week I had been sick, bloated, feeling bad and on my period. Yep, four weeks later, on period again, but after weighing myself I lost 2.6 pounds in the month. I do like that number. Indeed, I have lost more than that in a month before when I was on my first go-around doing Weight Watchers.

After that brief period of not working out for a couple of weeks, I pretty much had to start over again. Going straight back into where I left off was not a good idea. I read that if you are out of your routine for a while you need to start back up slowly to avoid injuries. That is what I have been doing.

In two weeks I plan on going back to the Insanity exercise program, but before I do that I want to try something else first. I was surfing through Prevention's Web site and found an interesting book and DVD program called the Two Week Total Body Turnaround. You can find some details on it at Amazon.com, here: http://www.amazon.com/2-Week-Total-Body-Turnaround-Jumpstarts/dp/B0044KN5IG/

I ordered it from Prevention because they let you try it for free for three weeks. And since the program itself is only two weeks, I figured, what the heck. While waiting for the program in the mail, I went to Hastings in Benton and found the book itself in the bargain bin. So for $8 I bought it and started reading the book, including the food plan they suggested. I liked the food plan because it still fits in with my Weight Watchers points, and I get a list of types of foods, the amounts and what time of day to eat them. Bascally you are eating three 400-calorie meals and two snacks. Two fruits a day, three dairy, four grain, four vegetable, three protein and three fats.

The book also encourages you to work out for an hour a day, with one day a week of "active rest." Basically you are to do 30 minutes of cardio  and 30 minutes of sculpting exercises every day. The author details plans daily, including charts on your exercise schedule, pictures of several exercises and an eating menu. Personally I am not one to look at pictures in a book and follow them that way. I need a more fluid visual reference. To complement the program, two DVDs go along with it, a cardio and a sculpting DVD. So I will use these DVDs instead of looking at the book.

The funny thing right now is, I have started the program today. However I don't have the DVDs of the program. In the book, author Chris Freytag suggests power walking for cardio, but you can substitute that for pretty much any cardio activity, such as riding a bike or swimming. As long as the heart rate goes up. As for the sculpting, I have a Jillian Michaels Get Ripped in 30 I have been using, as well as another Prevention sculpt DVD that goes with their walking program. (Wasn't a fan of that one.)

Since I have the book, I started this morning cooking an egg white scramble with cheese and a dollop of salsa, and a PPJ and banana sandwich. That was breakfast. (2 grain = bread; fruit = banana; protein = egg whites; dairy = ff cheese; fat = peanut butter.) For a mid-morning snack I ate a peach and string cheese. (Fruit and dairy). For lunch I ate turkey dogs in tortillas with two cups of green beans topped with mixed nuts. I am about to eat my second snack, my third dairy, some string cheese. And for dinner I will have my last items on the list. Starchy veg: 1/2 cup of refried beans; protein: Boca crumbles; fat: guacamole; veggies: 1 cup each of tomatoes and broccoli slaw. Basically this is my version of a taco dip. I'll either eat it plain or scoop it up with some red bell pepper.

My biggest thing is late night snacking. However, Freytag wants you to drink at least 2 liters of liquid a day. I have pretty much done that already. BUT if I am wanting to eat something, I will just make some tea and drink that. Should tide me over until the next morning!

Wish me luck! (Haha, no one reads this blog anyway. I am just throwing my thoughts out into the universe.)

All right. Better start.

Well I think I am off to a positive start this time around!
I made my goal I set for myself the first full week on the second go-round of 100 days.

As I said before, I wanted to ease myself back into exercise because of the UTI that I had the previous week, and I didn't want to overdo anything since I had not been very active at all for two weeks.

So basically I:

• Worked out four days out of seven.
• Saturday: walked 3.1 miles.
• Sunday: rode bike 6 miles
• Monday: rode bike 6 miles
• Tuesday: Did nothing. Thought about exercise, though. ;)
• Wednesday: rode bike 12 miles.

WW activity points: 20.

However I ate too much during the week. Had too many late-night cravings. However I am really working on that and am making efforts to distract myself so I don't do it.

First 100: Epic FAIL

All I have to say for the 100 days that ended at the end of May: it was a good try.
I am going to have to say those past 100 days have been a learning experiment with my personal endurance, will power and laziness.

What I accomplished:

• Doing 75% of the Insanity program.
• Keeping a blog like this and actually trying to stick to it.
• Exercising five and more days a week.
• Really learn I have to make an effort when there are time constraints.

What I learned about myself:

• I need to cut myself a break when I get sick. 
• When I am lazy, I can be REALLY lazy.
• I really do eat too much.

I didn't lose any weight during this time. I tried, though. In the end I gained weight. For several weeks I ended up getting ill, and that put a damper on my exercise efforts and motivation.
Last week I had some painful pre-period troubles. Then I traveled to see some friends in Chicago. After that I came home to severe pain for several days and an early-morning trip with Ken to the ER because I knew there was just something really wrong. Turned out I had a severe UTI. (I'm still taking meds for it.)

I still have less than two weeks left on the first go-round of the Insanity program. I am determined to finish it. Then I am going to start it all over again. However I had to ease myself back into exercise this week, because I did not want to aggravate anything. I have done activity every day since Saturday. I am hoping to get back into the swing of Insanity tomorrow. I figured I would need to feel a little crazy first.

So I am going to do this 100 days again. This time I have slightly different goals.
I have another event I am going to at the beginning of September. This next 100 days started June 1 (although I didn't start moving my ass at all until June 4) and will end on Sept. 8.

This time I will:

• Work out a minimum of five days a week. Do a DVD in the morning, and ride my bike (weather permitting) in the evening.
• Do a minimum of an hour a day, moderate to high intensity level.
• Get back into my smaller size 8 clothes. 
• Really watch my food intake and try my best not to go on stupid late-night binges.
• Cut myself a break if I injure myself or get sick again.
• Don't be a lazy ass when I just want to sit on it and not exercise.

I think these are much better, more realistic goals I am going to set for myself when I was just reaching for numbers earlier this year. I had set some unrealistic things for myself. Walking 15 miles a week? Riding my bike 30? Lose 25 pounds? I can't think of those numbers like that now. They were lofty goals, for sure, but I set them so lofty I wasn't being realistic and was setting myself up for failure. Well, it was a learning experience, that is for sure.

Behind again ...

So Blogger was down all last Friday, so I wasn't able to post my exercise update.
Much improved this week over the previous! I was able to:

• Ride my bike 12 miles
• Walk one mile
• Cardio/sculpt about 3.25 hours
• Total days of activity: 6.

As I said that week I am not weighing myself until the Thursday before Memorial Day.
I think this will help me keep my sanity and acknowledge that yes, I do eat over my weekly points (sometimes the activity points, too). But I try to eat  healthier things. Some weeks it might be CEREAL! Another week I am nibbling on brownies for a week. Right now I have a love affair with cinnamon toast made with low-carb pitas.

I win and lose at the same time.

Oy I have been bad ... and frankly don't really give a rat's ass.

Really pretty bad about posting on this blog. It's been another 25 days.
Every weekend I have had something going on.

• April 16 we went to Dallas for my sister's 30th birthday. I ate and drank a bit. Tried to eat as healthy as I could. Exercised. Started my Insanity recovery week.

• The weekend of April 23 Ken and I celebrated our wedding anniversary over a couple of days. Lots of Korean food. Finished recovery week. Started Month Two of Insanity.

• This past weekend was the Royal Wedding. I blew the healthy eating by eating scones, Devonshire cream, sinful chocolate cake and petit fours as well as crumpets and tea. All while sitting on my ass that day watching the wedding. (I did exercise on that Friday at least!) 

But then everything went even more downhill.

I am so, so late starting week two of of Max month. Looking back, if I don't do anything today then that would leave me doing exercise exactly three days this week. Almost making the week a wash. I am not even going to attempt to get on the scale on Thursday. I am afraid of what I will find.

My monthly curse has also been invading my space. This explains my nonstop eating over the weekend. (Sometimes this happens, sometimes I have it well under control.) For two whole days I have had cramps. I get more tired and irritable as the day goes on. I took on an extra WW meeting like a crazy person and this totally whacked with my schedule. When I am in moods like this I have to work extra hard to be sensitive to others when leading my meetings. Having an "I really don't give a shit" attitude about what-you-ate-for-breakfast-all-this-week-and-how-you-have-constipation-all-the-time-because-you-don't-drink-your-water-like-say-you-should will not go over well at my meeting tonight or Thursday. Which will make me even more moody when I get home.

Reading this, Ken? Stay clear of me this week. PLUS I have no food in the house. This makes me even more moody that I have to go to Wal-Mart after my meeting. I'll buy some fruit and stuff my face while I watch 20-somethings-pretending-to-be-teenagers sing very well. Glee is my saving grace on Tuesdays.

The bright spots of the week? I can fit into my purple jeans (well I could last week anyway) and the sun is out.

About halfway done.

So. Day 48 passed. Another week going insane.

This week's stats:

• 3.5 hours of cardio/sculpt over five days
• 2.5 miles walk

And my results after two months: barely a 2-pound loss, and a perkier butt.

Trying not to feel totally frustrated. I just got to keep going and going, and hoping at the end of the 100 days positive results will be seen in my mirror.

I want to fit nicely in my purple jeans, dammit. Right now they just barely fit and make my legs look like tree trunks.

It was all about the hair, I swear.

So, we are more than a third through the 100 days (43 have passed).
The not-so-springy weather really encumbered my efforts to go outside. (BOO on you, rain!)

I feel like I accomplished something, even though I cheated a bit on my exercise this week.
Yes, I did Insanity for six days. But not 100% on schedule.

Last Thursday was my off day, and then I somehow extended it into Friday when I went to the mall and enjoyed a round of walking around and getting my hair done all fancy. So when I got home, I didn't really want to mess it up. I paid good money for that cut and color.

Hubby says, "aren't you going to exercise?"
"Nope."
"You need to do your workout."
"And mess up this hair? You are insane."
I worked out by staring at myself in all reflective surfaces the rest of the evening, convinced I look 10 years younger with the new doo.

So my brief bout of narcissism delayed my starting the next week of Insanity workouts. I began on Saturday, and successfully completed every single workout until last night. I was scheduled to do a Pure Cardio and a Cardio abs segment (which in total would last about an hour). However, I was so exhausted after a 10-hour work day (not getting home until after 7:30) and my stomach was growling so loudly, I just didn't have it in me to do the whole thing. I did the 16-minute Cardio Abs segment. I plan on making up for the missed workout on Saturday.

This week's accomplishment:

• Walked a mile or so.
• Three hours of cardio/sculpt.

The scale was really mean, though. I weighed the exact same as last week. I got frustrated. But I was encouraged this week by my Weight Watchers members who have noticed changes in my physical appearance after a couple of weeks. It's all about the inches, folks. I want to lose several more inches so I can comfortably fit into those awesome purple jeans I bought on QVC. Now I have three different purple-colored pants. One is a size 6, though. That will take me a while to fit into again. Here's to hoping.

Today is a rest day ... from the DVDs. The weather is supposed to be so nice today that I plan on walking a mile or so during a break at work and riding my bike when I get home. Saturday's scheduled Insanity workout  is just the Fit Test, but I will skip that and do the Pure Cardio workout I skipped out on yesterday.

Sigh.

So I get on the scale this morning with high(er) expectations for myself.

I had suffered! I wanted to be rewarded!

Sigh. No such luck.

I went down .2 pounds. Not even a half a pound. A fifth.

After 40 activity points in a week! After wanting to give up several times!

Sigh again.

My only consolation prize. Hubby says the ass is getting smaller.

Yay me.

OMG I survived.

Holy freaking hell.


Damn, this week was tough. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to quit the Insanity DVDs. They are hard. As I said in my earlier post about the first three days, it was enough that I was able to keep up with the instructor, Shaun T on the workouts. Even the "really fit" people doing the routines with him had a hard time, too.

During my Pure Cardio session, he was complaining himself near the end of the workout how intense it was. At the end, he collapsed on the floor and said, "This shit is bananas, yo!"

I happen to agree.

My favorite DVD in them all was day four's Cardio Recovery. No jumping around this time for 40 minutes. Yay! It was purely a yoga/pilates type workout using your body weight as weights. The kind I like.

Tomorrow is the rest day. And I am SO glad it's here. The past six days ... ugh. I'll see how I do on the scale tomorrow.

So with the different changes I have made with the workouts, I have done this in six days:

• Walked four miles.
• Rode 12 miles.
• Cardio/sculpt, 3 hours, 30 minutes. (!!!)

Yes, I am pooped.

On another note, I was thinking to myself just now, who the heck is reading this blog, anyway? Even hubbie says he doesn't read it. Well, it's to keep me accountable. So someone out there must be bored and want to read it. LOL.

Yep, Insanity is upon me.

Day 31. I'm going nuts.

So I am behind on the end of my 28 day report. In the fourth week, I rode my bike 26.5 miles, walked about two miles and did a sculpt of about 20 minutes. Going on the scale, I had gained back everything I had lost, particularly because I was Cursed. (See previous posts.)

What did I accomplish the first four weeks? Well, I did more exercise. I injured myself and that really set me back a couple of weeks. I got frustrated. So I decided to amp it up a bit for the next 60 days. See what that does for me.

Enter Insanity.

So, I was surfing around on a site looking for a more challenging walk DVD from Leslie Sansone. I didn't really find anything, but a coworker turned me onto something interesting, called Insanity. This is a set of workout DVDs supposed to really change your body in 60 days. The DVDs have all these warnings and disclaimers on them warning about back and knee injuries, and to talk to your doctor before doing the program.

I am on day three, and this thing is kicking my ass. Which should really be a good thing. I am not thinking that the trainer on the DVD expects you to be perfect and be up to speed with everyone on the discs. Now lots of the people who work out with Beachbody trainer Shawn T have worked with him on other things, like his HipHop Abs. (Oh yeah, there are commercials for this program at the end of each video, along with supplements and recovery formulas. They want your money.)

The set is also very expensive ($140). Thank goodness QVC has a 30 day return policy. If I fall down and twist a knee at least I know I can return it and get my money back.

Now for the rest of today I need to ride my bike and continue to do a Tai Chi DVD for work. And sit on my ass and watch a Korean drama.

Bleh.

Rain.

Cold.

Bloated.

Crabby.

Cursed.

Grr.


Be warned. When aggravated, the animal will display signs of aggression, including clawing and biting.
Hiss.

No thanks, Korea House

So husband and I attempt to go to that new Korean restaurant in NLR. After we drove a week and a day, it seems to be more toward Rose City, in a small Rose City shopping center, sharing space with a dairy bar. Wasn't open like advertised. Looking in, hubby said it looked rather dreary inside.

Oh well, I'm sticking to my side of the river and eating Korean food at Van Lan. At least they are consistent.

We ended up going to Taj Mahal instead and ate their Indian buffet. Reasonable price, good tasting food, not oily or greasy. I used all my points. So it looks like it is fruit for dinner. LOL.

I did ride double on Saturday. Ten miles! Yay! I am going to rest a little more and do a DVD later today. Still not hungry at all from lunch. Met up with my uncle yesterday and we at at Za Za. Always good there, especially the gelato.

21 days gone by

The scale was nice to me yesterday morning. I lost 1.6 pounds. (Net 1.2 if you count the .4 I had gained last week.) So over three weeks my total loss so far is 2.2 pounds.

I am still having a little problem with the night-time snaking, especially on Thursday nights, but I only went over 10 points this time, compared to 20 the week before. I also was able to exercise a little yesterday, walking while shopping for groceries at Kroger. However Little Piggy was screaming at me last night as I was going to bed, her head swollen with a bad temper, compared to her sister on the other foot.

Week three's exercise consisted of:

• Walk: 7.5 miles (Four miles on DVD)
• Bike ride: 10 miles
• Sculpt: Nada
• Days I did activity: 5

I am doing a lot of going out to eat this weekend, starting with trying that new Korean restaurant in North Little Rock called Korea House. I hope they have some variety in their dishes, particularly some samgeopsal (literally three-layered flesh, or grilled pork belly), kimchi jjigae (kimchi stew) and samgyetang (chicken soup). If they are any good at all they will offer hobakseon (steamed stuffed zucchini), and janchi guksu (vegetable broth soup). I will be surprised if they offered sannakji (live octopus).

I  love me some jjajangmyeon (black bean noodles), however its very high in calories unless I make it myself ... which I am planning to do, courtesy of Maangchi.com. She's awesome.

Sinus migraines strike again, Little Piggy.

Sometimes rain really sucks. Especially when I wake up and it is pounding behind my right eye. The only thing that seems to alleviate it is keeping the eye shut and lying on my right side. Or sitting at my desk at work with my eyes closed, trying to look busy. Typing this with one eye shut is annoying. All I want to do when I have these is sleep.We'll see how long I am able to last sitting in front of a computer today.

My left pinky toe is still sore. I was finally able to get into normal shoes today without wincing in discomfort. For two days at work I have been getting rather odd looks walking around the newsroom in my stocking feet, especially since the floor is notorious since it hasn't been washed in .... well,  never. Good luck if my area gets vacuumed twice a week.

The bruised little piggy has definitely affected my exercising. Walking any distance has been almost next to impossible, unless I am walking slow or wearing "special" shoes. (Like my MBTs.) Thankfully riding a bike has been ok so far ... when it's not raining, that is.

Days 16-18

Saturday ended up being a decent day to exercise. I got out before all the rain hit. Inspired after going through my own neighborhood, I rode another five miles (or so, until I get my bike computer) through Lexington Park neighborhood. Ten miles, not too shabby!

Sunday I was limping around the house in the morning, but put on my MBTs in the afternoon so we could go grocery shopping. Going to Sam's and a Wal-Mart ended up having me on my feet for more than two hours. I think I walked an equivalent of a couple of miles through those stores. I tend to walk the isles and look at things I don't need. It was also sample day. Yeah!

Monday I did my Leslie Sanstone DVD and did the equivalent 4-mile walk. In her DVD you have to jog in this workout, but I lowered the impact a little by just walking in place a bit faster. I still sweat and got the same benefits out of the workout, I think.

I saw a really interesting workout program online while I was trolling QVC looking at other Leslie Sansone workouts (my current DVD is sufficient). It's called Insanity, and its made by one of the trainers who did the PX-90 workout for Beachbody. Insane workouts using your own body mass to get you ripped in 60 days. A co-worker of mine told me she did one DVD with a friend of hers and it kicked her ass ... and she's a personal trainer herself. I saw really positive reviews all over QVC for it, more than 300, with an almost perfect five-star rating. I figured I would give it a go, since QVC offers that 30-day money back guarantee. Compared to say, Amazon.com, who will only take returns if its broken. I am thinking I will give it a try and add it onto my current regime as my sculpting portion.

Setbacks? A bruised pinky toe.

Days 12-15.

Yep, Tuesdays through Thursdays are definitely the hardest to work out on. Being that I have to be places in the evenings all three days (WW meetings T and Th, weekly get-together with friends on Wed) working out after work is extremely hard since it still gets dark out soon. I always have the best intentions to work out, but nothing really seems to happen.

On Wednesday, I walked a mile during a break at work. That's about it for the rest of the week's activity.
So for week two, I did:

• Walk: 11 miles
• Bike ride: 15 miles
• Sculpt: 15 minutes

When I got on the scale on Thursday morning, I had gained .4 pounds. I am not pleased with that number. I got a little depressed, and I went into 20 extra points on Thursday night, pretty much eating all carbs. (Popcorn, a bagel and 5 Trefoil Girl Scout cookies.) Not really proud of myself.

I had spoken at my WW meeting Thursday night how I eat a really big lunch and then don't leave a whole lot of points left for dinner. I think that may have been a mistake. Friday I ate lighter than I usually did for breakfast and lunch, and left 17 points left for dinner. I think that helped. I ate 7 points in sushi, had some meringues, cheese and fruit for dessert. I had a couple of points left that I didn't use.

Yesterday I also noticed somehow my left pinky toe hurts when I exert a lot of pressure on it. I did walk a mile downtown on a break at work Friday, and I had an intention of doing a DVD when I got home. However when I did, it was throbbing and I had no desire to jump on it. I find that riding a bike does not put much pressure on the toe at all, since the majority of my weight is put on the centerpoint of my foot when riding the bike. When it gets to the mid-50s this afternoon I plan on bundling up and riding the bike around the neighborhood, and see what happens after.

I am staring at my toe right now and it's an unflattering shade and swollen compared to the other toe. It's not broken, however.

If I'm in the mood later I will also do a sculpt workout. However I will do most of it on the floor as not to put too much pressure on the foot.

Days 8-11

There's nothing like a little motivation to keep you moving.

Well, motivation to move after being a bit lazy.
Friday ended up being a bit too cold for my taste to go outside (it was about 50 degrees) and I had promised myself to do something inside the house. But then I got home, sat down, and well ... that was that. End of the work week, I just want to lay there and stare at the television and catch up on my Fox programs.

As you can guess, I did NADA on Friday. Saturday I made myself get up and do stuff. It was still cold outside, but I did a Leslie Sansone rapid 4-mile walk DVD. I had forgotten a video workout can be fun, and I don't have to dress up and go outside at all.

• Saturday: 5 mile walk (DVD and shopping), 5 mile bike ride.
• Sunday: 5 mile walk, 5 mile bike ride
• Monday: 5 mile bike ride.

As of right now, I have pretty much done all the activity that I had done the first week! Three more days to go. I may have to be a bit more creative in my efforts over the next few days. I want to at least make my walking "minimum" and get as close as I can with my riding.

I bought one of those heart monitor/pedometer watches to help me while I walk. My next purchase will be a cycling computer. I am researching them online and might pay Target a visit later this week to see if they carry one. I am too impatient to wait for one to arrive in the mail.

End of the first week ... a good try.

It's really interesting how the weather outside can invigorate or dampen your spirits.

I am not good about exercising in the cold. Really awful about it, especially when I do it alone. I'm not all that keen about going out in the dark or when it's raining, either.

So the last few days I didn't get out like I wanted. Either I felt a little bad, worked late or just lacked the motivation. Which in turn makes me need to exercise harder on the weekend than I seem to be able to during the week.

Remember those lofty goals I set for myself just a few days ago? Those weekly minimums? I've learned that it may take me a 100 days to actually get to that "minimum." I might have put larger expectations on myself than I thought.

Days four to seven I worked out exactly once. Wednesday I walked a mile and then rode my bike another five miles.

My totals for the entire week:

• Walking: 10 miles (out of 15)
• Riding: 15 miles (out of 30)
• Sculpting: 40 minutes (out of two hours)

When I got on the scale at the end of the first week, I lost a total of one pound (out of 27 I want to lose). Twenty six more pounds to go in 97 days. I am still thinking it is feasible.

When I was reporting my progress to my Weight Watchers meeting last night, some eyes bugged out when I retold them the story about the standards I had set for myself. My first week's attempt was pretty good, they told me. Some of them wouldn't even exercise like that in a week themselves.

I didn't get frustrated after hearing that, although I did help myself to an extra serving (or two) of a new WW bar flavor. It's the end of the week! Starting tomorrow, I thought to myself, I'll work extra hard.

As long as it's not cold, dark or rainy.

Days 1-3

I wonder what it is about small dogs and bikes. Maybe because of their lack of stature they need to compensate with something else, like barking volume. I was chased down the road by five of these little guys. Thankfully, not all at once.

Circling through the first cul-de-sac on my route, two little Pomeranians  startled me as I rode past their house. The only thing that kept them from biting my ankles were their leash restraints. Thank you, Owner, for thinking ahead like that.

I was cursing a few minutes later when three little terriers ran out of their yards when they saw me.  It was like riding around an obstacle course trying not to hit them. At least my pink bike was faster.

Saturday I might have been overly ambitious with my exercise efforts. My total walking/riding distance was 11 miles. My ass was rather sore.

Here is the weekend breakdown:

• Friday: walk, one mile; ride, 5 miles
• Saturday: walk, six miles; ride, 5 miles
• Sunday: walk, two miles; sculpt, 40 minutes
• Totals: walk, nine miles; ride, 10 miles; sculpt, 40 minutes

Yesterday I stared at the scale and forbid myself to get on it until Thursday, my weekly weigh-in day.
Instead I just frowned at myself in the mirror, groaning at the waistline that seems more jiggly and dimply than it should be, and the legs that look like they have small spots of cottage cheese on them.
Well, this is what I get for gaining 18 pounds since October. 18!!! That is really pretty awful, in my opintion.

97 days to go.

100 days of training

I got on the scale yesterday morning and yelped.
The kind of yelp that makes dogs come running and cats scattering.
184.2 pounds.
Sigh.
"My ass is getting bigger, kitty," I said at my white Scottish Fold who was staring at me with her wide green eyes. "My tummy and arms aren't looking so great, either." I sucked in my stomach and flexed my arms at the mirror.
Not impressed, Yuki just sniffed at me and sauntered back into the other room.

I've been better than this, really. Just last year at this time I was in the low 160s, right where I was in high school. Six months before that I was in the mid-150s range, my best weight ever.

(A little history: in my 20s I really let myself go and gained a whole bunch of weight. My highest was 275 pounds or so. In July 2006 I joined Weight Watchers and lost 100 pounds in a year and a half. I went from a size 20 to a size 6, so you can imagine my current frustration with myself.)

While driving to work, I had a great idea: training myself like some would train for a marathon. I really wanted to do something that would be challenging and hold me accountable like at my WW meetings. I figured out possible exercise plan and contemplated how long I would do it.
Then it hit me. One hundred days.

Why 100 days? The number is significant in some cultures. In Korea, 100 days after a baby is born is called Baek-il, where families have a party to celebrate the child's surviving the first 100 days of life. The tradition is done in Japan as well, but not on a large scale. Also, 100-day anniversaries between couples are important.

So, over the next 100 days I have set these weekly minimums for myself:

• Walk/jog: 15 miles 
• Ride bike: 30 miles
• Sculpt (weights, stretching): 2 hours

I am really hoping I am able to do this. Please join me on my journey for the next hundred days as I try to get more fit, and possibly will be committed to an asylum by my husband before the time is up.